Opposites Attract...Then What?
The next few articles will concentrate on pairings of opposite 'types'. We are often attracted to our opposites because they seem to provide the ingredients missing from our personalities and somehow together we feel more complete. However, as with many relationships, what initially attracts us to our mate can often become the very thing that causes difficulties later on.
Over the next few weeks, I will highlight the 8 opposite pairings possible out of the 16 MBTI personality 'types'. You may recognize you and your partner as a couple in these pairings, or may find your partner in a subsequent article. It's all food for thought with a goal to create greater understanding of each other.
Remember, all relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive and that even wonderful relationships can be destroyed by neglect.
When it comes to matters of the heart, there are no hard and fast rules or formulas that when applied, guarantee the desired outcome.
ENTJ (The Executive) & ISFP (The Artist)
Like all couples whose 'types' are opposite on all of the 4 dichotomies (E-I, S-N, T-F, J-P), this pairing has much to offer one another, much to learn from one another and much to face in terms of challenges to the relationship.
ENTJ -The Executive
2-5% of the population
2.7% men 9% women
Efficient, sensible, competent leaders, ENTJs are able to logically and objectively weigh the pros and cons of various situations and make efficient sometimes tough decisions. They have the ability to get right to the point and are confident in speaking their minds. They are future oriented and able to see the big picture.Their least favoured preference is Feeling, and because of this they may have difficulty accessing their emotions and may behave in ways that are insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. ENTJs love learning and are great strategic planners who can implement creative, bold changes with confidence and courage. They are often very career-driven and may have difficulty striking a balance between work and home lives, becoming so preoccupied with career success that they neglect their personal or family lives. Typically, ENTJs are friendly, quick on their feet and good at juggling more than one project at a time.
ISFP - The Artist
5-9% of the population
7.6% men 9.9% women
Typically the most unassuming and down-to-earth of all the personality types, the gentle, kind, sensitive, quiet and loyal ISFPs tend to demonstrate deep commitment first to their friends and family and then to a few causes that are important to them. They tend to be modest and somewhat reserved and share their personal thoughts and feeling with only a few close and trusted people. They may appear cool and detached with strangers but with those they care about they can be quite warm. They may be deeply affected by the misfortunes of others, such that they can become overly involved and take on the worries of others as their own. ISFPs are often very observant and curious, noticing what others need and feeling compelled to help in any way that they can. They may become exhausted since they tend to be quite unassertive and may forget to speak up in their own defense. ISFPs are very trusting and have a great desire to maintain harmony and please others, making them vulnerable to more dominating 'types'. Concerned with living life fully and in the present moment, they take great joy in the simple pleasures of life, keep their lives as uncomplicated as possible, are extremely flexible and tend to follow the path of least resistance. Because they do not like a great deal of advanced planning, ISFPs may become unpleasantly surprised by things that might have been avoided had they looked 'down the road' a bit and my feel pessimistic and discouraged if they can't see any attractive options at the present moment. Organization may be a problem area for ISFPs. ISFPs generally prefer to work quietly, behind the scenes, as part of a team, rather than out front managing complicated long-range projects.
As with other 'opposites' this 'type' pairing is initially attracted to one another because of their very different styles and natures. The timid and complacent ISFP is often attracted initially to the sheer power of the ENTJs personality. They love the personal confidence, take-charge attitude and stimulating conversation of their ENTJ partners. Their ability to organize, plan and convince others to make the changes they feel are necessary impresse the quiet, reserved ISFP. On the other hand, ENTJs are very often attracted to the calm, loving, affectionate personality and down to earth practicality of their ISFP partners. Because of their patient, accepting styles the ISFP makes their ENTJ partners feel loved and sometimes adored. ISFPs also help their ENTJ partners to access their feelings and emotions and to practice empathy, patience, generosity and forgiveness. This enriches the lives of the ENTJ as they learn how to express their feelings and develop more compassion and connection with others. For their part, the ENTJs help ISFPs become more assertive so that they don't find themselves being taken advantage of quite so often. ISFPs also learn objectivity from their ENTJ partners so they don't get their feelings hurt as often. These skills may help the ISFP become more effective in leadership roles and credit their ENTJ partners with helping them communicate effectively, directly and with confidence.
Challenges
Despite the joys and benefits this 'type' pairing may provide, ISFPs and ENTJs usually experience regular conflict in the areas of control and communication. ISFPs are gentle, free spirits who live in the moment and appreciate the beauty and joy of life, whereas ENFPs are perfectionists who like to master and control their environment with an eye always towards the future. This different approach to living may make the ISFP feel overly scheduled with very little opportunity for spontaneity and freedom to flow with the moment. In contrast, the ENTJ may feel extremely frustrated by their ISFP partner's willingness to let life happen to them and maddened at their apparent lack of organization and planning for the future. Because ISFPs have a strong desire to maintain harmony, they may appear to give in to their bossy ENTJ partners to keep the peace but then go and do just what they want anyway. This, of course, will not be well received by their ENTJ partners who will be insulted and exasperated. Problems with communication may surface over the head-on style of the ENTJ and the non-confrontational style of the ISFP. The more ENTJs pressure their ISFP partners to speak their minds, the more likely that the ISFP will withdraw and back away. ISFPs tend to take criticism very personally so what ENTJs might see as constructive suggestions, ISFPs often perceive as a personal attack. Where ENFPs can be insensitive, impatient and bossy, ISFPs can be prone to being moody and sensitive with an unwillingness to let go of hurts. Finally, ISFPs and ENTJs may have sharply different values which can cause a variety of problems. The ENTJ's self- worth is often tied to their professional lives and accomplishments which they value greatly, whereas the ISFPs tend to place more importance on their personal relationship and interests.
7.6% men 9.9% women
Typically the most unassuming and down-to-earth of all the personality types, the gentle, kind, sensitive, quiet and loyal ISFPs tend to demonstrate deep commitment first to their friends and family and then to a few causes that are important to them. They tend to be modest and somewhat reserved and share their personal thoughts and feeling with only a few close and trusted people. They may appear cool and detached with strangers but with those they care about they can be quite warm. They may be deeply affected by the misfortunes of others, such that they can become overly involved and take on the worries of others as their own. ISFPs are often very observant and curious, noticing what others need and feeling compelled to help in any way that they can. They may become exhausted since they tend to be quite unassertive and may forget to speak up in their own defense. ISFPs are very trusting and have a great desire to maintain harmony and please others, making them vulnerable to more dominating 'types'. Concerned with living life fully and in the present moment, they take great joy in the simple pleasures of life, keep their lives as uncomplicated as possible, are extremely flexible and tend to follow the path of least resistance. Because they do not like a great deal of advanced planning, ISFPs may become unpleasantly surprised by things that might have been avoided had they looked 'down the road' a bit and my feel pessimistic and discouraged if they can't see any attractive options at the present moment. Organization may be a problem area for ISFPs. ISFPs generally prefer to work quietly, behind the scenes, as part of a team, rather than out front managing complicated long-range projects.
As Partners
Joys
As with other 'opposites' this 'type' pairing is initially attracted to one another because of their very different styles and natures. The timid and complacent ISFP is often attracted initially to the sheer power of the ENTJs personality. They love the personal confidence, take-charge attitude and stimulating conversation of their ENTJ partners. Their ability to organize, plan and convince others to make the changes they feel are necessary impresse the quiet, reserved ISFP. On the other hand, ENTJs are very often attracted to the calm, loving, affectionate personality and down to earth practicality of their ISFP partners. Because of their patient, accepting styles the ISFP makes their ENTJ partners feel loved and sometimes adored. ISFPs also help their ENTJ partners to access their feelings and emotions and to practice empathy, patience, generosity and forgiveness. This enriches the lives of the ENTJ as they learn how to express their feelings and develop more compassion and connection with others. For their part, the ENTJs help ISFPs become more assertive so that they don't find themselves being taken advantage of quite so often. ISFPs also learn objectivity from their ENTJ partners so they don't get their feelings hurt as often. These skills may help the ISFP become more effective in leadership roles and credit their ENTJ partners with helping them communicate effectively, directly and with confidence.
Challenges
Despite the joys and benefits this 'type' pairing may provide, ISFPs and ENTJs usually experience regular conflict in the areas of control and communication. ISFPs are gentle, free spirits who live in the moment and appreciate the beauty and joy of life, whereas ENFPs are perfectionists who like to master and control their environment with an eye always towards the future. This different approach to living may make the ISFP feel overly scheduled with very little opportunity for spontaneity and freedom to flow with the moment. In contrast, the ENTJ may feel extremely frustrated by their ISFP partner's willingness to let life happen to them and maddened at their apparent lack of organization and planning for the future. Because ISFPs have a strong desire to maintain harmony, they may appear to give in to their bossy ENTJ partners to keep the peace but then go and do just what they want anyway. This, of course, will not be well received by their ENTJ partners who will be insulted and exasperated. Problems with communication may surface over the head-on style of the ENTJ and the non-confrontational style of the ISFP. The more ENTJs pressure their ISFP partners to speak their minds, the more likely that the ISFP will withdraw and back away. ISFPs tend to take criticism very personally so what ENTJs might see as constructive suggestions, ISFPs often perceive as a personal attack. Where ENFPs can be insensitive, impatient and bossy, ISFPs can be prone to being moody and sensitive with an unwillingness to let go of hurts. Finally, ISFPs and ENTJs may have sharply different values which can cause a variety of problems. The ENTJ's self- worth is often tied to their professional lives and accomplishments which they value greatly, whereas the ISFPs tend to place more importance on their personal relationship and interests.
Understanding Your Personality is the First Step Towards a Happy Relationship
I know I have said it before, but it is worth repeating. If you understand yourself, the inherent strengths and weaknesses of your personality 'type', you are much better equipped to understand and respect the differences of others. This knowledge is invaluable when building a happy, healthy relationship where both individuals are appreciated for what they bring to the relationship and loved for who they really are.
To book and appointment, contact Arlene at
archclarkbrown@gmail.com
www.thesdrc.com
www.integralhealthclinic.com
To book and appointment, contact Arlene at
archclarkbrown@gmail.com
www.thesdrc.com
www.integralhealthclinic.com
