Opposites Attract...Then What?
The next few articles will concentrate on pairings of opposite 'types'. We are often attracted to our opposites because they seem to provide the ingredients missing from our personalities and somehow together we feel more complete. However, as with many relationships, what initially attracts us to our mate can often become the very thing that causes difficulties later on.
Over the next few weeks, I will highlight the 8 opposite pairings possible out of the 16 MBTI personality 'types'. You may recognize you and your partner as a couple in these pairings, or may find your partner in a subsequent article. It's all food for thought with a goal to create greater understanding of each other.
Remember, all relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive and that even wonderful relationships can be destroyed by neglect.
When it comes to matters of the heart, there are no hard and fast rules or formulas that when applied, guarantee the desired outcome.
ESFP (The Performer) & INTJ (The Scientist)
Like all couples whose 'types' are opposite on all of the 4 dichotomies (E-I, S-N, T-F, J-P), this pairing has much to offer one another, much to learn from one another and much to face in terms of challenges to the relationship.
ESFP- The Performer
4-9% of the population
6.9% men 10.1% women
Warm, outgoing, friendly entertainers, ESFPs are vivacious and talkative and enjoy the company of lots of different personality types, as long as they are down-to-earth and real. They tend to be the center of attention and are often seen in the company of other easygoing, optimistic individuals. Generally ESFPs are concerned with what they are doing at the moment and do not naturally anticipate future events or the consequences of their choices. Task completion can sometimes be problematic due to the ESFP's enthusiastic, social, spontaneous nature which can pull them in a variety of directions. Realistic, literal and practical, ESFPs notice beauty everywhere and tend to surround themselves with sensory pleasures such as wonderful smells, bright colours, soft fabrics and natural elements. They often take great pride in their appearance and spend time keeping fit. ESFPs lead busy lives and rush excitedly from one activity to another experiencing life to the fullest. This high level of energy often leads the ESFP to overextend themselves and this can result in running late or forgetting appointments. ESFPs are often in 'catch-up' mode. They are curious, loyal friends and great companions with a matter-of-fact style and a sensitivity to other people's feelings. Although they appear generally open and expressive they tend to shut away their most private feelings and share them with only a select few. Confrontation makes the ESFP uncomfortable so they tend to avoid insensitive people. They are sympathetic and compassionate and can be disappointed by others because they refuse to see anything but their most positive attributes. Because they rarely apply objective analysis to their decisions, counting solely on their feelings and values to make decisions, ESFPs run the risk of being taken advantage of. They also have a very hard time breaking free of unhealthy relationships. This happy-go-lucky 'type' will spend their lives trying to find a balance between head and heart.
INTJ - The Scientist
2-4% of the population
3.3% men 2.1% women
Ingenious innovators, INTJs are able to make connections and understand the future implications of current actions. They are future oriented with curious, original, creative minds and have a unique talent for figuring out better ways to do something...whether it be a household chore, building a better mousetrap or reorganizing an entire system. INTJs are also very interested in self-improvement, constantly trying to increased their knowledge and competence. Although somewhat hesitant to try new physical experiences, INTJs are daring intellectually and are able to grasp and analyze complex issues using their excellent critical thinking skills.The independent INTJ, sets very high personal standards and constantly seeks out new intellectual challenges. Because INTJs can become overly focused on their inner world of ideas and possibilities, they can sometimes appear as the 'absent-minded professor', wearing mis-matched socks, having difficulty communicating with people not as technically versed, failing to understand the costs involved in one of their projects, and being uninterested in trying to find common ground with those of different strengths. INTJs tend to operate on an intellectual level and can be quite unaware or surprised at the emotional reactions of others. They may become so immersed in their own projects that they need to be reminded to nurture their important relationships. INTJs tend to be perfectionists. The high standards they hold themselves to, may also be expected of others, and they can be condescending or highly critical of those who fail to measure up. Because INTJs are so private, they are hard to get to know and usually prefer to spend their time alone with their ideas or with equally competent colleagues. They do not like to explain themselves or their ideas to those they interpret as being less competent or not genuinely interested. Hard working and determined, INTJs have enviable focus and will not be deterred from their goals. This admirable determination, however, may result in their being stubborn, inflexible and unable to transition easily from one project to another.
As Partners
Joys
ESFPs and INTJs are often intrigued by their differences and may have very exciting relationships. However, like all opposite 'type' pairings, they have many challenges and may have to work hard to understand each other. ESFPs are often initially attracted to the calm, creative, independent and intellectual aspects of their INTJ partners. They admire how organized, competent and self-disciplined their partners are and appreciate their planful approach to the future. The INTJ partner often helps the ESFP to slow down, be more objective and learn to anticipate future needs and consequences before diving headlong into things. They provide a calm stability. The INTJ partner is often attracted to the warmth, enthusiasm, energy and joy of life that their ESFP partner brings to their world. INTJs often feel loved like never before by their generous and nurturing ESFP partners. INTJs also admire they way their ESFP partners are loved by so many and appreciate how down-to-earth they are. ESFPs help to bring the INTJs out of their shells and expose them to some excitement and social opportunities. They help the INTJ get out of their heads, learn to express their feelings, open themselves to the help of others, and appreciate the joys and beauty around them.
Challenges
ESFPs and INTJs have many opportunities for growth, but because of their significant differences they also may experience frequent frustrations. They tend to have different interests and goals. ESFPs are very social people and want to spend time with friends and having fun. INTJs are much more private and want to maintain a smaller circle of friends that share the same interests. While ESFPs are talkative, INTJs are quiet and need to think things through before speaking. In this partnership, the ESFP may feel, lonely, ignored and shut out of their partners' lives , whereas their INTJ partner may feel that their ESFP partner spends too much time working and socializing with other people outside of the home. INTJs may also feel crowded and frustrated by the socializing of their ESFP partners and bored with small talk. Conversely, EFSPs may feel constrained and bored with the more solitary existence of their INTJ partner. Communication may prove challenging for this 'type' pairing. In conversation, ESFPs may tend to overwhelm INTJs with their exuberance, details and verbal fluency, while INTJs are often vague, abstract and too complicated to understand. ESFPs also like to ask questions and may not wait for a response before asking more, whereas the INTJ may become particularly frustrated and impatient when their partners don't instantly make the connections that they see.
ESFP- The Performer
4-9% of the population
6.9% men 10.1% women
Warm, outgoing, friendly entertainers, ESFPs are vivacious and talkative and enjoy the company of lots of different personality types, as long as they are down-to-earth and real. They tend to be the center of attention and are often seen in the company of other easygoing, optimistic individuals. Generally ESFPs are concerned with what they are doing at the moment and do not naturally anticipate future events or the consequences of their choices. Task completion can sometimes be problematic due to the ESFP's enthusiastic, social, spontaneous nature which can pull them in a variety of directions. Realistic, literal and practical, ESFPs notice beauty everywhere and tend to surround themselves with sensory pleasures such as wonderful smells, bright colours, soft fabrics and natural elements. They often take great pride in their appearance and spend time keeping fit. ESFPs lead busy lives and rush excitedly from one activity to another experiencing life to the fullest. This high level of energy often leads the ESFP to overextend themselves and this can result in running late or forgetting appointments. ESFPs are often in 'catch-up' mode. They are curious, loyal friends and great companions with a matter-of-fact style and a sensitivity to other people's feelings. Although they appear generally open and expressive they tend to shut away their most private feelings and share them with only a select few. Confrontation makes the ESFP uncomfortable so they tend to avoid insensitive people. They are sympathetic and compassionate and can be disappointed by others because they refuse to see anything but their most positive attributes. Because they rarely apply objective analysis to their decisions, counting solely on their feelings and values to make decisions, ESFPs run the risk of being taken advantage of. They also have a very hard time breaking free of unhealthy relationships. This happy-go-lucky 'type' will spend their lives trying to find a balance between head and heart.
INTJ - The Scientist
2-4% of the population
3.3% men 2.1% women
Ingenious innovators, INTJs are able to make connections and understand the future implications of current actions. They are future oriented with curious, original, creative minds and have a unique talent for figuring out better ways to do something...whether it be a household chore, building a better mousetrap or reorganizing an entire system. INTJs are also very interested in self-improvement, constantly trying to increased their knowledge and competence. Although somewhat hesitant to try new physical experiences, INTJs are daring intellectually and are able to grasp and analyze complex issues using their excellent critical thinking skills.The independent INTJ, sets very high personal standards and constantly seeks out new intellectual challenges. Because INTJs can become overly focused on their inner world of ideas and possibilities, they can sometimes appear as the 'absent-minded professor', wearing mis-matched socks, having difficulty communicating with people not as technically versed, failing to understand the costs involved in one of their projects, and being uninterested in trying to find common ground with those of different strengths. INTJs tend to operate on an intellectual level and can be quite unaware or surprised at the emotional reactions of others. They may become so immersed in their own projects that they need to be reminded to nurture their important relationships. INTJs tend to be perfectionists. The high standards they hold themselves to, may also be expected of others, and they can be condescending or highly critical of those who fail to measure up. Because INTJs are so private, they are hard to get to know and usually prefer to spend their time alone with their ideas or with equally competent colleagues. They do not like to explain themselves or their ideas to those they interpret as being less competent or not genuinely interested. Hard working and determined, INTJs have enviable focus and will not be deterred from their goals. This admirable determination, however, may result in their being stubborn, inflexible and unable to transition easily from one project to another.
As Partners
Joys
ESFPs and INTJs are often intrigued by their differences and may have very exciting relationships. However, like all opposite 'type' pairings, they have many challenges and may have to work hard to understand each other. ESFPs are often initially attracted to the calm, creative, independent and intellectual aspects of their INTJ partners. They admire how organized, competent and self-disciplined their partners are and appreciate their planful approach to the future. The INTJ partner often helps the ESFP to slow down, be more objective and learn to anticipate future needs and consequences before diving headlong into things. They provide a calm stability. The INTJ partner is often attracted to the warmth, enthusiasm, energy and joy of life that their ESFP partner brings to their world. INTJs often feel loved like never before by their generous and nurturing ESFP partners. INTJs also admire they way their ESFP partners are loved by so many and appreciate how down-to-earth they are. ESFPs help to bring the INTJs out of their shells and expose them to some excitement and social opportunities. They help the INTJ get out of their heads, learn to express their feelings, open themselves to the help of others, and appreciate the joys and beauty around them.
Challenges
ESFPs and INTJs have many opportunities for growth, but because of their significant differences they also may experience frequent frustrations. They tend to have different interests and goals. ESFPs are very social people and want to spend time with friends and having fun. INTJs are much more private and want to maintain a smaller circle of friends that share the same interests. While ESFPs are talkative, INTJs are quiet and need to think things through before speaking. In this partnership, the ESFP may feel, lonely, ignored and shut out of their partners' lives , whereas their INTJ partner may feel that their ESFP partner spends too much time working and socializing with other people outside of the home. INTJs may also feel crowded and frustrated by the socializing of their ESFP partners and bored with small talk. Conversely, EFSPs may feel constrained and bored with the more solitary existence of their INTJ partner. Communication may prove challenging for this 'type' pairing. In conversation, ESFPs may tend to overwhelm INTJs with their exuberance, details and verbal fluency, while INTJs are often vague, abstract and too complicated to understand. ESFPs also like to ask questions and may not wait for a response before asking more, whereas the INTJ may become particularly frustrated and impatient when their partners don't instantly make the connections that they see.
Understanding Your Personality is the First Step Towards a Happy Relationship
